Healing through Relationships
Relating to people is often quite complex and convoluted. People’s emotions get in the way when they interact with each other. Instead of seeing what is, we see things through the filter of our emotions and our incomplete issues. What I mean with incomplete issues are hurt feelings, reactions, vulnerabilities, resentments etc. Unless we complete these issues we won’t be free to BE, in any given situation.
So in a sense relationships are a gauge where we are being shown where we stand in terms of our own completions. Whenever we find that others are ‘doing wrong’, that they ‘need to change’ or to be more truthful are triggering us, then we know that we have an opportunity to look within.
Relating becomes very easy when we live from our highest excitement every moment. When we do that we don’t demand and expect from others to be or do different than they are.
We are responsible for ourselves and we really don’t have a right to expect anything from anyone, including our spouses – if they don’t give freely with love, we don’t really want it anyhow – because they’ll resent what they give or do.
Obviously there is a need to work together in any type of relationship. Working together is easy when we are happy or when we do things that are really exciting to us. Of course not everyone is happy and so when we find those people in our life we need to find out why we created them. They are there to show us something about ourselves.
As we expand in our awareness we know that everyone has a right to be exactly the way they wish to be. If they cause harm to myself or when they interfere with being my Self then I need to respond and let them know that without making them wrong. If they don’t understand I can always get out of their way or take an action that allows me again to be myself.
This brings me to share that when people fight – they both play a part in it. Without a victim there is no perpetrator and without a perpetrator there is no victim. It is never one-sided. As a culture we have not understood this yet because we have a tendency to protect weaknesses. That has kept us limited believing we are not capable and that we are the creators of our life, our destiny.
So if someone wants you to apologize they have not actually looked at their own issues, they want you to bow to them which then causes resentment in you. The victim, perpetrator syndrome continues. This does of course not exclude having compassion for others.
Forgiveness needs to be for oneself, not others. As soon as we can forgive ourselves for not being Who We Really Are, we are clear and can respond from clarity and oneness without making anyone wrong, neither the others nor oneself.
Whenever we see some flaws in anyone else and we point them out to them we don’t want to make them feel inferior because nobody is inferior or superior. The fact that we see and tell them what they could do ‘better’ or different, is because that is what we actually need and want to tell to ourselves. It might be there in differing degrees but nonetheless it is there. There is only One of us, always being reflected in our ‘surrounding, in others’.
People wouldn’t come into our lives unless there is something we get out of it. Creation doesn’t do pointless things. So what we see in a person, being a mirror, is what we can remind ourselves of what doesn’t work. It can show us where we neglect going within or what we haven’t completed ourselves. It can show us what attitudes we have towards certain things and we were not aware of. The richness that comes from people as mirrors is endless.
Here are some examples to clarify what I am sharing above and to make it less theoretical.
A close relative does two things I used to have an attitude about – he eats meat and he drinks tequila. I used to judge it as ‘bad for him’. By doing what he does he showed me my own attitude and judgement.
One ‘brother’ has two vans, one of which is not working and needs to be discarded. This is the third extra van in the period I have know him that he didn’t let go of unless someone else did it for him – like I was instrumental in selling one and the other one was towed away.
He also doesn’t get rid of his boat or his microscope, both of which sit uselessly around and even cost money every year. Through what I just shared about this man and where I was being bothered is that he ‘never‘ completes what he starts.
So even though I may not accumulate things, when I searched why I created him, I knew in the depths of my heart that I also didn’t deal with certain things that have been troubling or that have required more focus, like dealing with certain family issues.
So we can find our own versions of what others reflect for us when we are ready to see it.